From the Front Porch
Three weeks after I started this subtraction work, my phone rang.
"You've been weird lately," my former business partner said. "Distant. Are you okay?"
I'd just declined a client call that would have paid well but felt wrong. I'd stopped responding to every text within five minutes. I'd said no to a networking event I used to attend religiously.
"I'm fine," I said. "Actually, I'm better than I've been in years."
"Well, it doesn't feel that way to the rest of us."
That's when I realized something nobody warns you about: When you stop being who everyone expects you to be, they take it personally.
The real work isn't figuring out what to subtract. It's dealing with the people who liked the old version of you better.
A Hard Truth
Your people have invested in a version of you. They've built expectations around your availability, your helpfulness, your willingness to say yes.
When you change the rules, they feel betrayed. Even when the rules were killing you.
My VA was confused when I stopped checking emails after 6 PM. My clients were frustrated when I stopped being available for "quick calls" that turned into hour-long therapy sessions. My friends were hurt when I stopped being their go-to problem solver.
Nobody said "I'm glad you're taking care of yourself." They said, "You're not the same person anymore."
They were right. And that was the point.
This Week's Foundation
This week, you learned the building blocks of your New Era:
Subtraction - Cut one thing to make space for what matters.
Relationship Audit - See who treats you like a person versus a resource.
Humanity Recovery - Rediscover wonder, stories, and useless conversations.
Energy Audit - Stop shape-shifting through your own life.
But here's what happens when you actually do this work: resistance. From others. From yourself. From the voice that says "Who do you think you are to want something different?"
Tools in the Commons
All of this week's frameworks are available in the member commons for you to download, customize, and use:
- The Subtraction Worksheet - Track what you're cutting and why
- The Relationship Audit Template - Map your 20 most frequent contacts
- The Humanity Recovery Checklist - Your weekly wonder practice guide
- The Energy Tracker - Document when you feel alive vs. when you're performing
Moving Forward
Week One Action Steps:
Pick Your Battle - Choose one area from this week to focus on. Don't try to fix everything at once.
Expect Pushback - When people react to your changes, remember: their discomfort is not your emergency.
Document the Shift - Write down how you feel before and after each boundary you set. You'll need the reminder when doubt creeps in.
Find Your People - Connect with others who are doing this work. Isolation makes it harder to stick with change.
Invite Your People If this week resonated with you, you probably know someone else who needs to hear it.
Someone who's exhausted from being everyone's solution. Someone who's optimized the humanity out of themselves. Someone who's ready to stop performing and start living.
Forward this email to them. Or send them the link to join us: https://get.theneweracollective.com
The best transformations don't happen alone.
What's Next
Next week, we go deeper into the resistance:
Monday: The Identity Shift - Who are you when you're not solving everyone's problems?
Tuesday: The Courage to Disappoint - Why saying no feels like betrayal (and why it's actually love).
Wednesday: The Art of Selective Caring - Not everything deserves your energy.
Thursday: The Relationship Redesign - How to restructure connections without burning bridges.
Friday: The New Era Blueprint - Putting it all together into a life that actually fits you.
Bottom Line
The hardest part of subtraction isn't deciding what to cut. It's living with the people who benefited from your old patterns.
But here's what I learned: The people who truly care about you will adjust. The ones who don't... well, that tells you everything you need to know.
Your New Era isn't just about changing your habits. It's about changing your relationships. And that's where the real work begins.
— Damien
P.S. That former business partner? We had a real conversation two weeks later. Turns out he was jealous that I'd figured out how to set boundaries. Now he's doing his own subtraction work.
