From the Front Porch
"Dude, you've become boring as f#$k."
My friend Jake said this to me four years ago over drinks. We'd known each other since the early internet marketing days, back when we were both figuring it out.
I laughed it off. "What do you mean?"
"Remember when you used to have opinions about things that weren't business? When you could talk about something other than systems and frameworks and optimization?"
That hit different.
"Every conversation we have now is you solving my problems or giving me advice I didn't ask for. When's the last time you told me about something you were excited about that wasn't work?"
I opened my mouth to answer and... nothing.
Here's what really f*$ked me up: He was right.
Somewhere along the way, I'd become the guy people called when they needed business advice. The problem-solver. The systems guy. The one with all the answers.
But when's the last time someone called me just to hang out? When's the last time I had a conversation that wasn't me dispensing wisdom or optimizing someone else's life?
A Hard Truth
When did I become a consultant to everyone and a friend to no one?
The dining room table from Monday wasn't just about work. It was the beginning of me turning into a human business book. Every conversation became a case study. Every friendship became a networking opportunity.
I optimized the humanity right out of myself.
Jake used to call me because we'd bounce crazy ideas off each other. Because we'd talk about life, not just business. Because we were building something together, not just comparing notes.
Now? People call me when their funnel's broken.
That conversation four years ago changed everything.
I realized I'd built a reputation as the guy who has his shit together, but I'd lost myself in the process.
Here's the audit that woke me up:
I looked at my last 20 conversations. Phone calls, texts, DMs, everything.
18 out of 20 were people asking for advice, help, or solutions.
Only 2 were people just wanting to connect with me as a human.
Today's Shift
The Relationship Audit Framework:
- Review your last 20 conversations (texts, calls, DMs)
- Categorize each one: Advice-seeking vs. Connection-seeking
- Calculate the ratio: How many people see you as a resource vs. a person?
- Identify the pattern: When did you become the "go-to" person instead of the "want-to-be-around" person?
If your ratio looks like mine did (90% advice, 10% connection), you've optimized the humanity out of yourself.
Today, Jake and I still talk business sometimes. But last month we spent two hours arguing about whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie. No frameworks. No optimization. Just two friends being ridiculous.
Your turn: Do the audit. Look at your last 20 conversations. What's your ratio?
What's Next
Tomorrow: The Three Things That Got My Humanity Back
I'll tell you the three specific things I did to flip that ratio and get my humanity back. Warning: It required admitting I'd become someone I didn't actually like.
Bottom Line
At 43, I thought being the "go-to guy" made me valuable. At 47, I realized it made me lonely.
Your expertise is an asset. Don't let it become your entire identity.
— Damien
P.S. Die Hard is absolutely a Christmas movie. Jake's wrong, but at least we're friends again.
